Before I published this book on Amazon, I had a complete freak out.
An old travel buddy spotted a vague post about my new book on Facebook and messaged me to say – “Hey Nikki. I can’t wait to read your book!”
I was in bed still on a Sunday morning at 9am. My body froze. The day before I had published my life story on Amazon ‘warts and all’ for everyone to read.
Everyone to read.
Everyone is going to read my book and find out what I am really like!
What had I done?
I took the book down off Amazon immediately and panicked for a week.
In the meantime, I spoke to my boyfriend, friends and family and questioned the motives of why I wanted to write a book in the first place.
Why on earth did I want to share details about the highs and lows of a wide-eyed twenty-something girl backpacking in Southeast Asia, my hopes and fears during my twenties, the challenges I faced starting a business in Thailand, and more than that, personal details about relationships and in particular, a very special relationship with my dad.
One of the most difficult things to write about was the death of my wonderful, inspirational father, and putting the book out there has re-opened the wound and I miss him now more than ever.
If only he was here to read the book himself and put an end to this self doubt. But I had to be a big girl.
So why did I want to release this book?
Was it a cathartic, therapeutic exercise? To get it all off my chest before moving into the next chapter of my life.
Was it to inspire people to travel? To start businesses of their own?
Or was it self indulgent, to tell other people how hard some of the challenges were that I faced, and get some sympathy?
Well I suppose, if I’m honest with myself, it is all of those things.
I went through a lot during the six years that I spent living in Southeast Asia.
Over this time, I grew up.
I was made to question my own judgemental views. I lost one of the most important people in my life. I found out more about life and what we are all seeking. I bonded with people. I argued with people. I made mistakes.
I grow in the book from from a naive traveller who drinks buckets at the Full Moon Party, into a business owner with responsibility and more of an idea about what I want out of life.
I want people to read the journey that I have been on, and perhaps be inspired to follow through on an idea that they believe in themselves, regardless of doubts and fears or the criticisms of other people.
The only thing I can do is share my story with others in the hope that someone, somewhere can relate to it. Sharing things with others about this crazy roller coaster of life that we are all trying to work out is what it’s all about.
Whether you were the first person to stand on the moon or whether you’re just a regular guy / girl with normal life worries and occasional self doubt. We can all benefit from sharing things with others.
So here it is! My story ‘warts and all’…
Listen to Nikki talking about her book in this podcast from Jet Set Life TV: